Derby after baby?

5 months ago, my life changed. Forever.

I gave birth to an amazing little creature that I get to call my daughter.  I had been out on the 9 month injury.  Trying to stay involved with the league as much as possible.  But everytime I went, I had heart pangs.  I wanted to be out there.  I wanted to hit people.  But alas I couldn't because of my "delicate" condition.

It is not news to people who know me, that I had a lot of anxiety with this baby.  I was never one to be on the "mommy track", I never held babies convinced they could smell my fear.  yea, it was that bad.  I was never to the point where I thought my life was over.  But to be honest, there was a little resentment of my situation that took me away from the track.

I busted my ass for a year to be bout eligible just to have to hang up my skates shortly there after.  Not being able to skate was the hardest thing for me to give up.

I understand, that if you read up to this far, you think well why the heck did you get pregnant?  Well I reached a point in my life where I was ready to be a mom, and it happened.  Just because I'm sad that a chapter had to be put on hold doesn't mean I'm not excited for the next one to begin.


Well then it happened. July 16, at 0434 in the morning.  I gave birth to the most perfect thing in the entrie world. Tesla Doyall was born and I never looked back.  Everyone tells you that you could never experience the amount of love you have for one human until you have a kid.  But no one could explain it to do it justice.  I am constantly brought to tears on how wonderful this adventure has been.

Then I'm 6 weeks post-pardum and I am cleared to go back to Roller Derby.  WHAT? already?!?!  But....but....but I'm having so much fun with the baby.

Never in a million years did I think I would be hesitant to get back on my skates.  But I am.  My daughter is so much fun and I love spending time with her.  But I still came back to practice, my god was it good to be back.  But I missed Tesla.  I felt guilty.  Derby was my 'me' time, but by doing so it took time away from my family.  I felt really bad...and so my attendance started to go to crap.

And then it became non-existant.

I gave myself every excuse in the book to not go to practice.  To be fair, my work schedule does not offer the flexibility to make it to practice as much as I would like.  But also, I got lazy.  And that's not good.  I always dream about me being an amazing derby player, and would get all salty when I wasn't.  Well DUH! you have to go to practice to get better.

But there's Tesla.

I feel like I'm spinning plates and I keep adding one more, and one more.  Is there enough time to do all the things?  I have no idea but I'm going to try like hell to make it work.  Thoughts have been weighing heavy on my heart is....Do I switch to a league closer to home?  Currently the league I skate with is the one I started with.  It's an hour drive each way.  That's a lot of time to take away from my family.  I could easily skate with a league in the metro to save time, money, and allow me to make it to more practices.  But I stay with SCAR, well because that's my home.  I love those girls so much and I'm invested.  So I'll stay.

I just need to get my ass to practice....There will be derby after baby.....I'm sure of it.

Momma and baby <3

Tesla at one of her first bouts

Ghost of a derby girl past

I carefully unload all my derby gear from my pink argyle Zuca bag.
It feels almost foreign, not skating for almost a year can do that to you.
I see the kids learning to skate, the jam skater practicing their pirouettes.
I'm nervous.
Like really nervous.

I put on my pads, and there is that familiar smell. even though I washed them before going out on the 9 month injury and they had aired out for my entire maternity leave.

The smell that can make anyone dry heave.  For a derby girl, well for some. It's a badge of honor.  It's proof that you work your ass off practice after practice.  the scuffmarks are reminders of the times you got knocked down and got back up.

I missed that.

Now, I must start over.  I'm back at the beginning, back at the bottom....and it sucks.

I'm not a derby athlete, not an athlete at all.  I consider myself a derby enthusiast.  God damn do I love this sport.

I sigh.

I get up on my toestops, wobbly, but I'm there.  I hit the hardwood floors....not bad. bearings need to be cleaned but not bad....Things start to come back.  Do I dare attempt a transition?  What the hell, why not.

Thank goodness for muscle memory :)

I relished in those 2 hours.  avoiding children. feeling that burn of derby stance.  turning left. clearing my mind. yearning to bout again.  but then remembering that I have to start all over. I'm back at the beginning, back at the bottom. Even though that is a mind fuck in it of itself.  the important thing is...

I'm back

Let's talk home bouts.

****This entry was hiding in my draft box for a while....****

If anyone has ever had to produce a home bout, you should know that it's a learning experience and it takes a village.

And there are some team players, and they are not.  I feel like I am definitely a team player.  But I could be wrong.

Anyway....each bout seems to have a smoother and smoother set up, which is fantastic. Cause that is the sucky part of roller derby, that's why traveling is kind of awesome.

But man, I tell you, there is something about hometown crowds that are incomparable.  They are fantastic :) Granted, the numbers aren't always what we want them to be.  But there gusto never disappoints.  They are becoming invested in us as a team and it's great to put on a bout to thank them....it's awesome.

As a non-rostered skater it is most definitely the HARDEST thing to sit back and watch your derby sisters relish in the glory of knocking your friends down.  It hurts, and it sucks.  But there are definite ways to stay involved.  And well not to toot my own horn but I make sure that my presence is known :)  I usually tend to NSO which is fine but you hardly get to watch the bout.  (Don't tell the refs, but I totally sneak in some time to watch) I like NSO-ing because I feel I can learn a lot about the rules and regulations. Plus, I feel like I am contributing to the team.

This bout was a little different, I was given the opportunity to bench manage one of our home teams...the Gargoyle Brigade.  I was stoked, and completely under-estimated it.  I thought "I can dispatch officers, I can dispatch roller girls" WRONG!  boy was I so wrong.  Girls are too emotional :P It was definitely all me, I let human nature and emotion get in the way of strategy.  I wanted to make sure everyone got to play, because it was our home bout and it was supposed to be fun for all.  I made some mistakes (duh) and wasn't confident in my decisions.  UFFDA.  The Gargoyles did win, by one point!  It was intense and the feeling was bittersweet.  I'm glad we one, but I was definitely disappointed in my preformance and was afraid that the Dolls would be mad at me.  I almost didn't go to the after party.....almost.  Let's face it, we Dolls ALWAYS win the after party.  So I went, and everything was fantastic...no hard feelings.

I learned a lot, I don't think I would actively pursue that role again, but if they asked...I would do it.

The hardest was when I had to cut a girl from our lines because someone was in the box.  I felt like the executioner going down the line to pick my next victim.  The girls (some of them) looked up at me with pleading eyes, asking me, begging me not to cut them.  It was tugging at my heart strings and I felt bad, but then I was also really annoyed.  These girls are the newest rostered skaters was their first bout for a few.  I read an article on derbylife.com it was a list of things that they wish they were told when they were fresh meat.  And one of the items on the list, will always stick with me, and it's something I wish every new skater could remember.  If it's your first bout, don't expect to play much, if at all.  As much as it sucks it can very much be the truth.  And boy is that a hard pill to swallow.  But that's the truth of.  So i was frustrated that the girls didn't understand it, but also I felt really bad because I wanted all the girls to play all the derby.

It all worked out in the end, but some girls feelings were hurt and I hate that....

I did it!!

Alright folks, guess what?

I did it!  I FINALLY passed my 25:5.  It was a few weeks ago, just in time for our last home team bout!   It was fucking amazing.  

A year of hard work.  Blood, sweat and a lot of tears and I finally did it.

I was elated, I didn't believe my counter.  The best part was not just passing that skill, but how happy the entire team was for me.  They knew my struggle and knew how important it was for me. :)

HarmAKnee scandal told me she had her heart in her throat the whole time.

Tears flowed freely as a dogpile commenced on the track.

If it wasn't for those girls I probably would have quit.  I love my team so much <3

up next: the face off between me and the rest of my family

Bouts, Bouts, and more bouts

For the past few weekends all that I have been doing has been centered around roller derby.  What a harsh problem to have right?  Last weekend the SCAR Dolls travel team took the trek up to Grand Forks North Dakota for a tournament.  All derby, all day.  Despite the 4 hour drive it was one hell of a weekend.

Let me tell you, if you are going on a long drive and need to carpool, choose your passengers carefully.  Smokers, nonsmokers, potty breakers, iron bladders.  Make sure it's a harmonious fit.  In my lovely vehicle it was myself, Lola Freaknasty, Dagger, and Vera.  It was a friggin blast.  My poor car was packed to the gills.  Refer to Exhibit A:

Not to mention all the crap that was crammed inside, including but not limited to Nadia cupcakes :D

Another important piece of advice to keep in mind when traveling is music....Road Trip music.  Fortunately, I told my sister (Lola) to bring her iPod and she had the top 250 songs from the 90's.  Road Trip=made.  It was pretty spectacular.

Finally, take this time to get to know skaters that you normally don't get it to in practice.  Lola and myself are (obviously) close and Dagger and Vera are equally as close.  So it was definitely nice to mix it up a bit and I think the other girls felt the same way.

The drive up was pretty ridiculous, we were pretty exhausted when we arrived at the hotel, but we had to stay up for our other roommates to arrive so we can get sleeping arrangements made.  It was a King suite, with a king bed and a pullout couch.  There were 7 of us in cramped quarters.  Buster, Eva, and Lucy shared the bed, Lola had a blow up, Dagger and Vera shared the pullout and then I, yes I, used the couch cushions to fashion and mattress for on the floor in the hallway to the bathroom.  Talk about girl scout sleepover.  Cramped and happy.  Lots of laughs were shared.  I would do it again, and get to next weekend :)  3 1/2 hour drive with no WiFi this is what ensued about 2.2 seconds after we checked in....

Immediate connection to all things social media.  Plug ins were scouted out WiFi password was obtained and this is how we were....First world problems for sure.

The next day was the bout and there were 4 teams.  All were pretty much on the same caliber.  Our first bout was a bye, then we played the Grand Forks sugar beaters.  It was a great match.  I LOVE watching our team....even if it is warm ups.  I would kill to be out there with them, but I am just as happy to be there cheering them on..and of course take pictures. :) This first bout we played was pretty amazing.  Both teams did some great things.  SCAR ended up prevailing,  I thought I had the score, but apparently I do not :(

Our next bout was against the NSRG (north star roller girls) out of Minneapolis.  They are a WFTDA sanctioned team and it is their "B" team, the Northern Lights.  Now entering my rant session:

Rant/

First, this is supposed to be their B team and they sent veterened players.  enough about that, life isn't fair and we deal with it.

The thing that frustrated me is their strategy.  Don't get me wrong it was a HIGHLY effective strategy but incredibly boring to watch.  I think they call it "lil smokies"  the would stop on the track, stop, not skating, I'm talking stand still.  2 on either side of the track.  Every time our girls would try to skate behind them, they would skate backwards, then if we would try to block their jammer, thus creating a no pack situation.  SO FRUSTRATING....not because it crippled us.  But that's not roller derby!!!  Or at the very least not any derby that I'm interested in watching.

/end Rant

RAVE/

Even though we got spanked by that team.  There was some amazing team work done by the SCAR Dolls.  The NSRG team was good at causing cuts on our jammers, but when they had a power jam we did an EXCELLENT job and stopping the bleeding of the points.  It was fantastic defense played by our ladies.  It was awesome....
Then there was Suzy.  I fricking love Ms. Suzy Contusion.  She is definition of Bad ass.  It was the last jam, she was jamming and we had a power jam.  Everything was good, she was riling up the crowd.  Then she grabs her shoulder.  Suzy constantly has her shoulder being popped out of socket.  Well that was what just happened.  Did she request medics? Nope.  Did she call off the jam? Hell No!  She made her initial pass, then I saw here approaching the pack, with a look of total trepidation.  I'm at the edge of my seat thinking "OMG, OMG, OMG,..."  and like Moses parting the red sea our girls made a clean shot for Suzy.  She makes it through the pack unscathed.  Un. Fricking. Believable.  That was amazing.  Of course, before she popped her shoulder back into place she had members of the FMRD take a picture of proof. :)

The travel team ended up taking 2nd place of the tournament and Lucy got Most Valuable player award (go figure, she's a beast)  Next it was on to the ever important after party, which the SCAR Dolls have been known to win every time.  We went to a dive bar, mainly because we had 2 for 1 coupons.  Dive bars usually end up being the best.  The drinks were strong and cheap.  The unsuspecting locals didn't seem to mind too much that we took over.  no karaoke? No problem-Jukebox.  no dance floor? A little rearranging we got it handled.  So much derby love.  And a drunk Canadian.  OH!!! and leg wrestling...This is Lola w/ our coach Buster :)

Maybe I'm ignorant but I had no idea we were about 30 miles from the Canadian border.  It really set in that following morning, before making the trek home...I saw a border patrol officer in the gas station.  And I thought to myself "why do they care so much about North Dakotans coming into Minnesota?"  Yup, sometimes I'm not too bright.


I hope you enjoyed this tournament shenanigans recount.  Until next time....


Slayer

Update on skills

Since my last post we have done about 2 different skill testings at practice.

Each time I get a little closer....

Each time my heart gets a little heavier...

Am I ever going to be bout ready?!?!?!

And the answer is Hell-Fucking-Yes I am..

I have passed all the (old) minimum skills except my 25:5 (she's such a bitch) and my crossovers.  The first testing we did was after our season opening bout.  I passed all the falls and hip checks I needed to after the testing in January.  The last testing was March 28th....I was bound and determined to pass these skills.  I didn't even drink at our after party the night before... But alas I didn't pass it :( which is ok. it's a process, a journey.  A journey that I have loved every minute of.  I am closer to passing my skills.  I got 23 laps. 23!!!  I'm so close I could puke.  That is 2 laps better than last time.  So next time...2 more laps.  I so got this.

Everyone hates the 25:5.  Lord knows I do.  But I believe that anyone can do anything for 5 minutes.  It was kind of a neat experience.  I felt like I was going faster.  Wind blowing through my hair (lame right?) and all I can remember was that I was very in tune with my strides.  And dare I say it, impressed.  Each stride was strong and forceful.  It brings me back to a year ago when I first started derby and I clung to walls for dear life!  It's really rewarding to see how far I've come :) and I still have so much to go.

Our next testing is on May 26th after our home teams bout.  I'm excited.  I really am going to pushing like hell to pass.  I get to practice with the big girls now, so that will definitely help with endurance.  I love the derbs so much.

So even though I'm not WFTDA passed I am scrimmage ready, so I was able to participate with Queen of the Rink for our preshow.  I was so excited-even though I didn't win.  So here is a picture of me in all my glory...or more so showing the agony of defeat.  I'm in love with this picture <3

Photo is courtesy of Mr. Scandel

Mark my words...I will be bout ready, I will be fantastic (eventually). Bring. it. on.

Until next time.

Slayer

***I'm already amending this one....After queen of the rink I felt pretty awesome.  My hits were hard and solid.  Best of all, i received several compliments for skaters on my team that I admire.  Unsolicited compliments of how well I do.  I was swooning to say the least.  I also could hear people cheering me on.  A girl could get used to this ;)

League-wide testing

With the start of the new year, I had made myself one single solitary resolutions.  And that was to make WFTDA my bitch and become bout eligible.  I am ecstatic to say I am oh-so-very close :D

The SCAR Dolls had decided to do a league wide skills testing at the start of the year.  Great idea. It was to be broken up over a few weeks.  The first week we did the 25:5, falls, hops, jumps. The next week was for hips, whips, pacing, obstacle avoidance.  It was sooooooo much fun.  Although I am convinced that I am completely off my rocker saying that it was fun.  but it was.

Our first week of testing I was super nervous.  basically because of being tested on falls.  I feel that I fall small but it is the recovery and getting skating again that I struggle with.  So an hour before practice started I decided to go to open skate.  Probably the best idea, because that day was the best I have skated...probably ever.  I successfully completed by one knee falls, the ones that I was most concerned about.

Skating on one leg was something that my sister (Evilution) and I have been working on at open skate.  And it sure did pay off.  I was skating with confidence and did much better than I thought I was going to do.

Next the 25:5.  I was close to puking I was so nervous. Endurance is most definitely not my strong suit, but it's getting better.  I was also nervous because I am still working on doing cross overs.  I know you can still do the 25:5 w/o cross overs but they sure do help.  I told myself that I would be happy with 15 laps.  That was something that would give me a good standard to work towards.  That skill is definitely more mental than anything.  I tried to keep with the positive self talk to keep pushing.  The encouragement from my counter, assessor, and the fellow derby ladies helped so much.  helped me dig that much deeper and push that much harder. the final number? 20.5 laps.  Did I pass? No.  Am I happy with that number? Fuck. Yes.  I did so much better than I thought I would do.  Plus to add 5 laps? No biggie.  Not to mention that I fell during the skill.  I felt like a bonehead, my focus and confidence shaken.  It's hard to recover mentally from that.  But I'm super happy with it.  I'll get it next time :D

We had a girl fall pretty hard, it was quite scary even as a on looker, I could only imagine being in her skates.  I haven't seen her since it happened but I hope that she has recovered and that she will try skating again.

I did pass the 4 point, baseball, or double knee fall. or hipcheck and the 25:5. that may seem like a long list, but I have come leaps and bounds from when I first started by clinging desperately to to the walls :)

I feel like that I failed those falls because I was so exhausted.  It was a physically demanding and I loved it.  I don't even remember going through some of those drills.  That's good right?!?!?!

I love me some derby

Auf Wieder Slayin